New Year

So Christmas has come and gone.  Now the children are returning to school and it is the long haul to Easter and Spring Vacation.

It seems as hard as I tried I just couldn’t keep it together.  after the 3 Christmas celebrations were done – I broke.  I sobbed, I questioned where my marriage was going, why I was moving in and out of my days with little to no emotions.  I felt alone and that I should be alone – deserved it even although no action sentenced it.

It ended with me sitting on the floor with my husband wondering what the hell.  According to the Hubs – Less worry about the cleaning, dinner, laundry etc and more time simply getting out of the house – with and without the kids.  My life has become a robotic routine.  And as with anything else; I had become a mindless machine, silently screaming inside until I could no longer stand it.

Hubs could sense it but not know what to do had simply retreated out of my space.  I tend to bottle and fester.  I don’t take advice or help very well.  I have always been a rock in rough times and forced to simply deal and pick up everyone else who falls apart – not allowing myself the same luxury.

So now the New Year has started.  Nothing will be perfect – but hopefully I can spend this year taking steps towards selfish happiness and thus holding my marriage and family together.

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