So Christmas has come and gone. Now the children are returning to school and it is the long haul to Easter and Spring Vacation.
It seems as hard as I tried I just couldn’t keep it together. after the 3 Christmas celebrations were done – I broke. I sobbed, I questioned where my marriage was going, why I was moving in and out of my days with little to no emotions. I felt alone and that I should be alone – deserved it even although no action sentenced it.
It ended with me sitting on the floor with my husband wondering what the hell. According to the Hubs – Less worry about the cleaning, dinner, laundry etc and more time simply getting out of the house – with and without the kids. My life has become a robotic routine. And as with anything else; I had become a mindless machine, silently screaming inside until I could no longer stand it.
Hubs could sense it but not know what to do had simply retreated out of my space. I tend to bottle and fester. I don’t take advice or help very well. I have always been a rock in rough times and forced to simply deal and pick up everyone else who falls apart – not allowing myself the same luxury.
So now the New Year has started. Nothing will be perfect – but hopefully I can spend this year taking steps towards selfish happiness and thus holding my marriage and family together.